Hey all. I'm better. Well, yeah, better. Almost good. Just found out something which, while doesn't say anything, makes the worst implications. Not gonna talk about it though.

I'm now thinking it might not be best to go to the Prom with Ashlee. My hopes are pretty shattered. But I'll wait till Thursday to talk to Ashlee before setting my mind in stone. That's if she's there. Bet 5 bucks she won't be. I think she's avoiding me.

Right now, I'm loking dowm 3 roads. Road one, belief that Ashlee doesn't love me, and that our relationship meant nothing. The most painful, but one that leads eventually to sanity. Prolly try to just distance myself from her. Road 2, continue to hope that we might get back together, and that she loves me, and that all will be well. This could lead to sanity only if that hope pulls through, and doesn't look it, given what I've found. Road 3, belief that she did love me, but doesn't now. I think this is the most direct route to insanity, and I can't see how it could lead to sanity, given I don't see how this would work. But, it has evidense on it's side, along with road 1. I don't know which way to go. I need answers. All my feelings are doing is causing me pain. So, if I don't see ashlee this Thursdsay, and she can't see her way to see me andexplain, I'm just goinbg to cut that part of me out. I'm not going to put myself through this anymore. I'm a romantic at heart, but that only goes so far. I just can't deal with it much longer. I'd like to stay friends with her, but its not worth this much pain.

Yeah, so thats the last your going to hear of that prolly. Maybe, a bit after Thursday, if I get an explaination and I can deal, but even then, not more that a brief mention likely. Anyways, today was boring. More migraines. Spent the day in bed till around 4 today. i think they're getting worse. No surprize. Missed a HUGE tstv today because of it though. I couldn';t afford to miss it, and i hope I can make it up 2cd period tomorrow. I'm screwed if not. A week till pass/fail. Need to get everything in order.

Cool thing, I called Ada on the phone tonight ^_^ Helped a lot. Was fun. Ranged many topics. Was really nice to talk to her. I rarely catch her online lately, though I got a e-mail from her today too. I should call more often ^_^ Though, heh, I'll prolly get a word or 2 about it come bill time, if my dad bothers to look at it. though, my dad has friends in Connecticut. So, it might be over looked =D

I need to get out of the house. If I get the Sam's club job, it'll be maybe a little over a month till I'm gone, and out somewhere. Talked about a possiblity with Ada, but gonna keep it surprize up here =D But, I need to get away from my house, and my life here for a while. Heh, perhaps not a road trip, but still 8-P

Still pondering whether I will do the Otakon thing. Prolly not. I'll just eat the ticket. I need Summer School. Also why I need to do my traveling abroad before July, so it won't interfere. Cause I only get 2 absences in SS, then you get auto-failed. -_- Which is why Otakon is out if i do SS, cause the trip will eat out 3 days, one more than I can afford. But, still, there's always next year =) Mke and Nick will be disappointed though.

Anyways, I'm gonna log out. Laters all, and be well ^_^ *hugs to all*

Ah, the wonderful feel of the world mocking, how I have missed you till this week.

Hey all. I'm doing better again. I might just be going in and ok, not sure. I think I'm better when I'm with ppl, help keeps me distracted and such. Dunno if I'll get over this, but I think I can deal now. I just need to know why... (And much thanks to Sashi for the E-card and thoughts. *hugs and kiss back* It means a lot to me.)

Heh, much wasted time today, much fun =) Didn't get home till nearly 1, so had to crawl in my window 8-P Operation Safe Prom was today, was ok. Got me out of 2cd period, which I will now be regularly skipping till the end of school, AKA a week and a half away. I need to make up stuff. Need to call sam's, still haven't heard for the interview. Need that job.

Dad and I fighting. I'm supposed to do stuff for Prom money. Don't think I will. Ashlee can pay for her ticket I guess, and Crystal already offered to pay for mine. Tux I'm pretty much set on. Yeah, Ashlee and I are still going. She's willing, and i still love her, why not? Maybe something will happen. (Yeah, thats prolly hping for too much, but at the least it should be a good time, barring me getting depressed). So, I'm grounded from off-line, not doing my chores at all, so I'll prolly get worse soon. Dunno.

School needsa to be over now, but I can't afford that. I've got about a week till I go pass/fail as a senior. As long as i'm pasing, I don't need to take the final for that class. So, it's important I get my ass in gear. No need for finals. Soon though, Senior week, which should be lots of fun =)

So, a good day overall. Was depressed in school, but am beter now. Still hurt, but copeing. Looking forward to stuff at least. Anyways, laters all. *hugs to all**hugs and kisses again to Sashi for the card thing* =)

Yeah, I'm really not ok, Thought I was doing better till like 9 last night, when I kinda just broke down. So, yeah. I'm just feeling really crappy. I don't know what to do, Ireally don't. She's busy till Thursday. And I really need to talk to her. I don't know what to do. I love her. I m not ok...

Hey all. Not much to say really. Holding up ok. Still haven't had the much needed talk with Ashlee. Sat game went well, and being with ppl and keeping distracted helps. Stayed out all night, cause after the game we went out to Denny's, and hung out till around 7. So I've basically gotten 2 days of sleep over the last 4 days. Trying to stay awake till tonight, so I'll be ok for school tomorrow.

Hoping to catch Ashlee later today. Dunno. If not, I'll try for Monday. But, I really need that talk. All this is gonna catch up to me prolly once I'm rested again. Damn. I still don't understand. ;_;

Anyways, I'm gonna play some emulator games, and listen to some really loud music. Wake must stay I @_@ Laters all, be well.

Hey all. Well, for those who don't know, which is by and by, almost everyone, Ashlee broke up with me last night. ;_; So, right now, as i said earlier, I am very confused, hurt, and worried. Apparently she's going through some personal things, something about May. So I'm worried about her. Hurt, cause she broke things off. Confused, by the same. Just the beginning of this month she was saying how she loved me so much it hurts. I still love her. I just don't get it.

We're still friends and everything. She doesn't want to cut me out of her life. She was worried I'd be mad at her. I'm not. I'm glad she was honest about it. She said she couldn't deal with the officialness of a relationship. My mind gets the concept, though my hearts still going 'Huh?!'. Anyways, she said we'd talk later. I dunno when later it, but I hope it's soon.

Anyways, I'm pretty much emotionally burnt out right now. Done my crying and such. I just feel very tired and abused right now. And, hope creeping in. Maybe in the future... I feel so stupid for hoping though. Like I shouldn't be. Stacey thinks it's not really a good thing. But, I dunno. I love her. I want to hope. I am optimistic person at heart, even if I do have my pessimistic slides. =

Yeah, so, thats the news in my life. Today, I've mostly just laid in bed. Nothing to do, and if there were, I prolly could really muster the drive to do it right now anyways. So, yeah. Be well all.

Hey all. Very confused and and worried right now. Don't feel like talking about it here. Emotionally used up for now. Have a dull headache. Thats all.

Hey all. Not been a really good day. = Interview, I only got to do the first part, so I'm scheduled for Monday most likely for the final one. Sam's called Ashlee in to work, so I didn't get to see her at all today. *sighs* Anime club was cool got to see some AMVs, and 'This is Otakudom'. VERY funny XD Highlight of the day. DRR afterwards, so many ppl there, I didn't even bother to try to get up. Had money too for once, so I got tokens, and didn't use a one. I hate the whole put a token up for your turn idea. It's stupid to wait in line for a game. *shakes head*

Anyways, thats my rant. Not really in a good mood. I miss Ashlee. Maybe I we'll be able to get together with weekend. See if I can get her to put some free time aside for me. Every time I see if we can spend some time together, I run up against a brick wall lately. Much Grrrness.

Need to start to learn to drive still. Gonna see if I can get someone other than my parents. Can't rely on them. Need to learn though. Dunno who though. Maybe Chris Davis.

Yeah. I'm getting tired, but I'm gonna see if Ashlee pops on. So anyways, night all.

Hey all =) Monday was fun, though we really didn't get any gaming done. We went out to DQ though, and had fun sitting around ^_^ Today, non-exciting. Had a extremely bad migraine, so missed school. Didn't even rise from bed till like 2:30 cause of it. Very nasty -_- Ashlee was busy, so I couldn't see her. *sighs* I miss being able to spend time with her. I've seen her once in the last 3 weeks. I saw her more when she was grounded! -_- So, basically, sat around my house all day. Practiced Sign Language for my project. Still don't think I've got it all memorized. Oh well, do what I can do.

Heh, I've got a whole CD full of Anime music from Chris, and borrowed Gasaraki. Hopefully I'll be able to watch it with Ashlee, cause she wants to know about the series. I need more regular music now. Wish Juno was better about letting me DL stuff. Grrrr. Also, have a new motherboard. ^_^ It's a 600 P2, I believe. Also, has 65 Meg of RAM, better than what I've got now. So, soon, I'll switch the HDs from this one, along with all my other stuff, into that one. =)

Dad says he'll be getting DSL again soon. Can't wait. Also, says he will hook me up this time. He had better. >= Prom, in like 2 weeks. It's the 31st. *sighs* I'm not at all ready. But, it should be fun, I hope. Heh, wow, my thoughts are just going random.

Anyways I think I'm off. I wish I'd stop randomly going into funks. Seriously, I'll be fine, then a little while later, I'll be paranoid and in a funk. It's strange. Though keeping occupied helps. Hope I get the Job at Sam's. Working with Nick and Ashlee will be cool ^_^ Yeah. I'm going now. *hugs* Take care everyone. Be well...

Hey all, happy Mother's Day ^^ Slept till 2:33 today -_- Well, I was woken pu at 10, but given reprieve, and allowed to sleep. Fun fun. So, I'm hanging about online. No real plans for today. *shrugs* My quick little update =D Laters all! ^^ *hugs, Kisses for Ashlee*

Heh, hey all. Been an ok night. It's still night, really. It doesn't become morning till after I sleep =D Did laundry before i left the house tonight, so I feel somewhat productive. Missed Footloose ;_; Wanted to see it. *sighs* I actually didn't even get out of the house till around 8, and had to walk -_- Ah well. No movie, no Ashlee, no play. Rather disappointing. Oh well...

I feel into a puddle of Bleh sometime tonight. Weird I'm better now though =) The game helped, and I was happy to see Lynn, cause she's been gone for 2 weeks ^^ lol She said I was like Chris, with my reaction =D Whole little conversation went from there kinda funny. I take it as a compliment though =)

Tomorrow, mother's Day. Dunno what I'll do for my Mom. Haven't been able to get a gift, and I'm nho good for cooking. *sighs* Yet another thing I miss. Didn't get anything for Crystal's birthday either, which was the 6th. (I didn't forget it, but still)

The game tonight was cool. We've found the Dragon Armor (heh, yay Escaflowne! XP Literally), we know how to activate it finally. Now, we just need to get a Drag Energist -_-; This is where it gets difficult... XP I so want to pilot it, but I know it won't happen. I'm not the best character for it. but still, MECHA! ;_; I sooo need a mecha fix...

Monday, plans are sketchy. Find out more tomorrow. Heh, Operation Safe Prom demo Monday, no english = yay! And get to see Car blown up ^^ Should be fun. Anyways, I'm think I'm out, as it's entirely too late XD Good night all, take care, be well. *hugs* Ja!

Made some changes in the side bar, mostly for blogs, due to A) Me no longer keeping up with some B) Many ppl changing location (2 ok, 3, but 3rd is a diff situation...) and C) Me wanting ppl to know whose's blog it is, so changing it to names instead of just the page's name. =D I plan on adding a few LJs to the list (more ppl from Anime club), but I want to get their permission before posting the links. Laters!

Heh, been an eventful 2 days. Thursday, school was ok. After, went to my Sam's interview. It went well, I've got another one next Thursday at 3, which should finish things up, so by next week, I should be employed ^^ Score! Working at the same place as Ashlee and Nick will be very cool too =)

Anime club was ok. Not as fun as usual. Found outwe couldn't watch anything licensed in the US, due to copyright, and the club being a public thing. *curses copyright laws, which are making him very angry between the whole Online Radio thing, and this* Don't remember watching anything, but I think we did... *shrugs*

Afterwards, DDR as usual. I was SOOO off XP Couldn't get a beat to save my life most of the time. Met a new kid, Jeff, there. Happy, Ashlee finially was able to come =) When we finally left Funworld, it was off to Wendy's. *sighs* Good thing I'm getting a job, having other ppl pay for me makes me very guilty -_-. Made me feel worse, cause when we were about to leave, Ashlee realised she didn't have enough money anymore to get us both into the Talent show to see her brother. So she missed out and hung with us. I feel bad about that...

Heh, so, we left Wendy's, only to go stand in their parking lot XD Nick's brother is annoying after a while. Jeff is a cool kid though =) We went up to the Shaw's after a while though, due to Ashlee wanting Candy =D Jeff works there. So our small company moved on. (Me, Ashlee, Nick, his bro, and Jeff). Grocery stores can be fun, though we were prolly thought weird by many another shopper =D

Planned on going to B&N after that, due to not wanting to go home yet, but Ashlee had to go and do work. So, she dropped me off. Busy, fun night though.

Friday, found our plans to see Spider-Man that day had fell through, no Nick. *sighs* I want to see that movie so bad... Worked out though, cause Crystal grabbed me in the hall, and asked me to help her move. So I spent the day helping her and her boyfriend move into their new apartment ^^ A lot of fun, though, I hate moving. But, I like spending time with Crystal, and I never really get the chance. Heh, she wants me to call her, so we can double date XD Don't mind, cause I think she did right with this one, I like Brian. He's kinda an overgrown kid, but I think he'll do right by her. Crystal's choice in men isn't the greatest, but this is the first one I actually like. I'm very happy for her. (They plan to get married ^^)

That was my Friday really. Went home, and crashed till like 10, just tired. Then got up and stayed up till 2 XD I'm strange. I need to try to sleep earlier. Not once this week have I been to sleep before 1. Not a good thing -_- Having real trouble sleeping lately. And very strange and nasty dreams lately. -_- I literally got up this morning feeling like I was gonna cry from a dream. But, I'm not gonna get into that. Feeling a lot better the last few days, and the paranoia has fell by the wayside since Friday, which is cool. No need for that.

Today, no real plans. Hope to see Ashlee, maybe get her and Mike, go see Spider-Man. (Nick still can';t go, so we'll just have see it a second time with him, like we were planning to do with Ashlee if we went Friday =D Not that I mind, given how good I hear the movie is..) My Game tonight should be awesome, looking forward to it. Sunday, mother's day. I need to remember to pick up something for Mom today... Dunno what, but I'll find something. ^^ I have a small bit of money, was planning to see Spider-Man with, but Mom comes before that. =) But, tomorrow should be somewhat filled. Gonna have to cut the game short this week though, due I'll need to be up (relatively) early.

Anyways, thats it for now folks =) Everyone take care, and congratz the all the ppl I know who have been snared by the spring mood ^^ Heh, laters all! *hugs for all, big hugs and many kisses for Ashlee ^^*

Hey all. Been feeling a bit better tonight. Still feeling rather burnt out, though the paranoia has lessened. =) Prolly helps that I didn't sleep away the day today, like I did tuesday.

Tomorrow, Sam's Club interview. Need to arrange transport. There, prolly from my parents, and maybe Ashlee could pick me up from there for Anime Club =) Need to talk to her.

Trying to pick a Anime character for a RPG. Dunno though, really aren't many characters I'd be comfortable with. Also, I need to think about cosplay for Otakon. I need new Anime. I want to see more Captain Tylor, that looks so funny XD Maybe tomorrow.

Anyways, I think I'm out. Take care everyone. *hugs to all, kisses for Ashlee*

Heh, a week, meant to blog before this. Oh well. Been rather boring lately. I STILL haven't seen Ashlee ;_; Sam's called yesterday, I have an Interview Thursday at 3:15 ^^ Had fun in both my Saturday and Mondays games. (We ended up playing Schroeder's game). Other than that, I've been extremely bored. Saw CHibi Sara at club thursday, which was cool ^^ Gave her her birthday card. (her B-day was the 3rd, late happy birthday, to go weith the early one thursday ;p).

I think I'm being rather paranoid lately. At least, I hope I am. *sighs* I'm not gonna get into details. It's prolly just me anyways. Wierd mood lately I guess, comes and goes...

I need more AMVs. I'm forming an addiction XD Lent BJ my Slayers tapes, he's liking them, which is cool. =) Shane wants to borrow my Eva. I still don't have all the tapes, but I suppose I'll let him borrow what I've got. I'm hesistant about it for some reason. Maybe part of my weiord moods... *shrugs*

I miss Ashlee. I love her so much, but I never get to spend time with her lately. *sighs* Thursday I suppose. Anyways, I'm out all, take care *hugs to all, kiss for Ashlee*

Hey all. Been a great day ^^ No second period, cause senior class pic, and meeting. Voted for our Grad and Prom song. (I voted for Eve 6 - Here's to the Night for Grad. I forget for Prom...) The rest of day was ok, not very stressful. =) A nice day back to school.

Got to talk to Ashlee briefly on the phone before she left for work. Then I mostly watched AMVs all day. Hehe, I got the good disc! ^_^ Has One More day from Les Miserables, along with a bunch of other cool stuff. (That was my fav of those I hadn't seen though.) VERY well done.

I got to talk to Sashi today! Yay! ^_^ Been entirely too long. She's not herself right now aparently though ;_; *mass amounts of Grrness towards person who made evil comment* Good to talk to her, and I'm glad I helped improve her mood...

It needs to be Friday so I can be with Ashlee again. *sighs* I miss her sooo much. Been a week since I've seen her. I love her so much... A week doesn't sound too long, but it seems like forever....

Tomorrow should be rather bland. Hopefully I won't need to limp anymore. Ankle's almost better. =) Anyways, I'm out folks. Catch you all later, and take care. *hugs to all, lots of kisses for Ashlee* ^_^

Hey all ^_^ LARPING went well, though I sprained my ankle. Still hurts a bit, but I'm pretty mobile now. =) Was a lot of fun, and I plan to go again next time, as long as I have then money. Dunno if I will, given Prom coming up. Heh, Riegien had a good time at his prom, I'm happy for him. His date fell asleep on his arm, thats so cute ^.^

Gonna call up the company tat does consession fior the Nashua Pride, and get a job there while I wait on something better, like Sam's Club. They'll pay around 7.50 prolly, under the the table. Thats a decent amount of pay, cause no taxes. As Stacey pointed out, also illegal, but I think I can deal with that till I can get something else. ~_~

I miss Ashlee ;_; I haven't seen her in about a week, though I called her when I got home Sunday. But she's working next 2 days, so I won't see her till Thursday, as expected. *sighs**much hugs and kisses to Ashlee* Wonder what we'll do Thursday in club. I want to see more Vandread personaslly, and more Captain Tylor. And Excel Saga. XD There's so much...

Ashlee gets off grounding Friday. She's working that day though. -_- So, we're making plans to get together Saturday instead. My Saturday game doesn't start till around 10, so we'll have around 4 or so hours together at least. (She has to work till 5 ;_;) Might come to the game late if she can stay out late. We'll see I guess.

Senior Class Photo today. Oh joy, no second period or Advisory. =D *dances, and falls over cause foot* -_- Anyways, Sashi posted at Paradigm again last night ^_^ Haven't heard from her in forever. I miss her a lot. I miss everyone a lot ;_; *sighs* I never get to talk to anyone regularly any more. Anyone can feel free to drop me a line. =) E-mail, mail, IM, phone, singing telegram, I'm not picky =D Just it's always nice to hear fromn ppl...

Anyways, I'm out. I do need to do some work here. Laters all, and take care. *hugs* Peace out! =)

Grrrness towards Juno. Been acting up horribly. (I'm on the paid serveice now, and it's been good up until now. *sighs*) It's been a good day =) Been a great week. Best vacation in a long time. Tuesday, stayed over Ashlee's, and got caught in the morning, but passed it off as I had come over early in the morning, so nothing bad happened, though her mom freaked at first, for a humorus reason XD It's funny now that i look back on it, though I definately wasn't thinking it was funny at the time. Course, I'm paranoid about these things =D But it all worked out.

Wednesdat, after getting caught, went home and napped. ^^ Napping is good. Then went and saw the Reduced Shakespeare Company with Nick. VERY cool, SOOOOOO funny XDDD I got my program signed by the 3 performers. ^^

Today, club. Was cool, saw the first episodes of Irresponsible Captain Tylor, and of FLCL. Tylor was funny, want to see it on Adult Swim. FLCL was just wierd. I expect that from a Gainax production though =D. No Ashlee though, cause she slept throught the meeting -_- Oh well though, I called her hen I got home ^^ *happy sigh* I love her so much. Gonna miss her, won't be able to see her till next Thursday prolly ;_;

Got $10 of the $20 I need for the LARP by selling Mike my Ruin Explorers Tape. Hopefully I'll be able to get the other 10 off my Dad for future chores. Heh, LARPing should be lots of fun, as long as the weather gets nice. (it's supposed to be nice. Supposed to being the key words. I don't trust NE weather. It was snowing horribly tonight. -_-)Haven't heard from Chris though. Dunno what the plans for meeting up tomorrow are... Well, we'll see what happens I guess. I need to finish getting my stuff for it ready, so I'm out ppl. Take care all, be well. *hugs for all, Kiss for Ashlee* Hope I get to talk to ppl more next week. Laters!

Hey all. Vacation going well =) Saturday's game was ok, had fun with it, though I wasn't involved. Turned out to be to my benefit to have missed last Saturday, because it would have drove me up the wall (They said they took 45 minutes on deciding on clothing for a party -_-) I would have had more fun this week though if I had been there for the party, cause I would have had things to do at least. But, it was a cool night. Shrouder kept getting answered 'None of your business' for various reasons =D

*sighs* I miss Ashlee. We talked for like 3 hours yesterday, basically till her phone battery died about =D But it's not the same as being with her... But, she traded days off, so now has Tuesday off, so we'll spend the day together, and hopefully the night too, if we can arrange it ^_~. Today is going entirely too slow though. I hope she's doing all right though. She had a funeral to go to today, and it's got her down. Crappy way to spend your vacation. And Doug is still bothering her. (Doug is an Ex, who seems to be total scum). If he doesn't stop bothering her, I'll take steps. >=| Hope I can cheer her up Tuesday though. *hugs and kisses to Ashlee* Hope your having fun at work dear. =)

My Dad is trying to enlist my vacation for cleaning. Not something I'm gonna let happen. No need for vacation, aka Time AWAY from working, for be turned into spring cleaning. So, I'm making my schedule out to be busier that it really is. Though it is surprizingly busy. Tomorrow, Ashlee time ^_^, Wednesday, hopefully more Ashlee time, then that play Nick has gotten me for (though I'm still missing money...), Thursday, Anime club as always, and Friday till Sunday, being dragged willingly out LARPing. (another thing I don't have the money for. $20, dunno how I'll come up with it, dun want to have to borrow -_- Might cancel...)

Heh, gotta call Matt soon, go down for Chris's game maybe. Though if we don't do that, we'll find something to do. Should be fun. =) So anyways, I'm off all. Take care everyone, keep in touch. ^_^ *hugs for all, kises for Ashlee* Laters!

Heh, wow, I'm crashed out right now. I dunno why really. I was really emotionally charged all day, except when I was reading. 5th Period, I was all hyper and frustrated by our assignment, which was finding a word in common with 3 given, like wood, liquor, and luck ,the common word being hard. (Hard Liquor, Hard Wood, Hard Luck). Out of 20, my group got 16 I think, but most of those came from 2 ppl. I got 3 overall. So, lots of frustration with that, though good natured frustration.

Then I got Ashlee's letter that she wrote me when I got home, which I loved reading. Funny, cool. ^_^ I'm so lucky to be with her, and have her love me. I love her so much...

But, pretty much emotionally charged till like an hour ago, while posting at Paradigm. I dunno, I think it finally set in that it's vacation, and that i can crash. I've been runing pretty much full on emotionally lately, and it's taking it's toll on me I suppose. I throw myself into what i do, and into my friends lives. A lot of my energy has been spent on that. And of course, just being with Ashlee is an emotional tumult, though not really, cause I get back what I give out. But now I'm just emotionally drained. No more energy. *sighs* But, I wouldn't have it any other way. I like throwing myself into things, I like spending my emotional energy for my friends. Just catching up to me now I guess though.

Kinda had a little personal assesment after responding to a topic at Paradigm. Ada called me well balanced (or at least reatively so) =D Not at all the words I'd have used for myself at all, until I really thought about it, and how much I have really changed over the past years...

Somdays it strikes you how lucky you truely are. Todays that kind of day for me... When I really consider it, I may not have all that many friends, but those I do, I wouldn't give up for the world. Especially my older friends, who've really watched me grow up, and have put up with me through my extremely annoying younger years, and have really helped make me who I am. Truthfully, have done a better job of Raising me than my parents have, certainly. And they really care about me, try to include me in stuff, and are honest to me. That means a lot to me, especially that they try to invlude me. I'm only 18, While Chris is like 28, the Other Chris is like 25. Lynn is only 21, but is really much older than that. Only Matt, Age-wise really, do I consider a peer. And then, I'm blessed with Ashlee, whom I love so much, and am loved in return. Meeting her really is the best that that has ever happened to me.... Of course, I have the In-different crowd, all of whom I care deeply for. Strange, how people you've never met can have such a influence on you...

Well, I think I'm done for today. It's nice to have a nice long look at your life from time to time. Realise how very lucky you are. And of course, to have it all in writing, to remind you on those days when you need it... But, hopefully, I won't have any of those days in time. Anyways, take care all, be well. *hugs* Peace out.

Grrrr. Paradigm and stacey's blog has been blocked, can't get there through the school comp any more. ;_; And Ashlee is grounded for 2 more weeks! ;_; And I need money for next wek (yay vacation) but have none. *sighs* Well, on the bright side, I can still go over Ashlee's house. And hopefully she'll be able to talk her parents down a bit for vacation.

Yesterday was awesome. Saw a new Anime, Vandread. Very cool series, and funny too. =D Everyone should check it out. And, watched the next Episode of Excel Saga. God, that show is too hilarious... XPPP Ashlee couldn't go DDRing though ;_; Not that i did much DDRing myself, given my brokedness. 8-P Then went over Ashlee's house. ^_^ *happy sigh* I love her so much...

I need to solidify my plans for Vacation. There's a play thing I'm being dragged off to on Wednesday by Nick, and of course, next weekend, LARPing =D But, beyond that, no plans, and those plans are still sketchy. And, see Ashlee as much as possibly, of course. ^_^ *sighs* I'm prolly gonna get bored sitting around my house though...

Still haven't heard from Sam's Club. Grrr. I need a job. Job=Money. Anyways, bell's about to ring, so I'll catch you all laters! *hugs to all, Kisses for Ashlee* ^_^ Take care all.

I need to blog more often. I really mean to, but I usually get sick of juno before I get around to blogging. *kicks Juno**sighs* I still haven't watched the stuff I'm borrowing from Gendo yet. Might just give it back tomorrow. Haven't seen Ashlee since Sunday, I miss her ;_; Have been calling her, but it's not as good, though better than nothing. But, I'll see her tomorrow at club ^_^ Heh, it's funny, she joined the Paradigm board. Fun fun =D

So hot suddenly. I can't remember where i put my AC last fall... I need the nice cool air. I tend to fall in a stupor around 3 without it, cause the heat gets to me. Heh, course, just what I need, another drain on my socket. *remembers last summer when the AC would kick off the power strip* -_-

I need a job. It's only been a little more than a week since Ashlee turned in my app, but still. Having a life requires money. *sighs*

Heh, still feel like a road trip, and Ashlee has caught the bug too. =D This summer, plans are being made... Bwahahahaha. XP Though, I plan on taking SS to make up my English courses, but I might have to ditch that anyway because I'm already commited to Otakon, and that'll eat 3 days alone -_- But, whatever comes comes. =)

Anyways, I'm gonna try to crash. Catch everyone laters, take care! *hugs to all, Kiss to Ashlee*

Yay 3AM in the morning. =D Sitting here with Ashlee ^_^ Thought it'd be good time to blog, given she has cable. =) XD I'm such a dork, I know. But, at least I'm a cute dork, according to the authority in the matter ^_^. Fun day, though couldn't go overAShlee's until late. (Had to sneak in, cause her dad said I couldn't come over. So, now I'm just spending the night. ^_^ Big thanks to John, who helped out in carrying out the master plan. The operation has been a success, haven't been caught. =)

Missing my game, but, so well. They'll understand. Or not, either way =D. I'm not too terribly important right now I think, so they can deal without me for this one. Most definately worth missing. ^_^

Yay! Got mail from Sashi! *hugs* Get well soon hon! And write back soon too. *sighs* I nice keeping in touch. I miss everyone a lot. But, since I have phone back, hopefully I'll get to see everyone. =)

Thats about it for now, so take care all, and be well. *hugs*

Well, I have phone back ^_^ Yay! But, I still must use the evil service known to man as Juno. -_- *smashes Juno with a huge mallet* It's so annoying to be disconnected every 5 minutes. but, better than nothing. Though I could use the DSL downstairs, but I think my brother is home.

Saturday is finally here, which means seeing Ashlee ^_^ She's working till 5 I believe, but sok. And I'll be able to call her now, without worrying about stupid cell phone minutes. =) Haven't seen her since Thursday night, after DDR. (she couldn't go, but I went over her house after).

No one is really online. I want to talk to everyone! ;_; Maybe later. I really shouldn't be on right now anyways. =D Heh, and maybe I'll call Ada sometime soon. Prolly not today though. And I should wait till I have money, cause i really don't need to run up the phone bill my dad just payed off XP But we'll see.

I'm realising really how many ppl I gave this ady to don't read it. I know Chris and Lynn don't, but they don't have the DSL hooked up all the way yet. I know Nick doesn't, cause he asked me Thursday if Ashlee and I were together, which he'd have known if he read it. I dunno if Matt reads it, but it wouldn't surprize me if he didn't. Wouldn't surprize me if he did either though. *shrugs* Oh well though. I know Ashlee reads it, I know Chibi Sara does. I know John reads it, cause it's about the only way we keep up with each other is through these XP *sigh* We never really see each other anymore. Different crowds for the most part. Mike reads it, and I almost wish he wouldn't, after the first ting he did after reading it... *still a bit angry over that* Heh, still haven't gotten around to creating a private blog. I dunno if I ever will. But, either way, oh well.

Heh, AMVs are awesome, we watched a bunch of them at Anime Club. My Favorites: White Shounen, done to Pretty Fly for a White guy; And The Black Knight from Holy Grail, with Asuka as the Black Knight, and Shinji as King Arthur. SOOO Funny XDDDD OMG... We also watched 2 Anime series, but neither of them really caught my interest. *shrugs* But, next week, more Excel Saga! ^_^ OMG, that series is the funniest thing ever. Salt the Dog baby! XDDD

Anyways, I'm off, to while away the next 5 hours till Ashlee gets home and I can call. Take care everyone, get better soon Sashi! *hugs for all, kiss to Ashlee*

Hey all. Had fun yesterday over Ashlee's. ^_^ Though I couldn't go over till 7. Do you realise how long it takes for 3 hours to pass! XP Anyways. We took some tests on Emode.com (Heh, she's peppermint, I'm blueberry 8-P), and I checked out her art. Heh, I wish I had artistic talent, she's good. LOL Chibi Gendo! XDDD Then we watched some Anime, Kite, and Puppet Princess. Kite was cool, so was puppet princess. No need for pedifiliacs though... 8-P After that, her mom made me go home, cause she didn't want to miss Star Trek, and she had to drive me home. *rolls eyes* =D

*sighs* I miss Ashlee. God, I'm such a dork XD I'll prolly miss her less later, but right now, she's very much on my mind. *kisses to Ashlee* Hoping I'll be able to go over her house again today. She doesn't have early release like I do though ;_; Oh well. *sigh* Yay Early release though, no 6 or 7 period. ^_^ Big bonus. =)

School is bleh. I had such a hard time pulling myself out of bed this morning. -_- It was horrid. And then my bus came 20! Minutes! Late! Grrrrr! Made me wish I had slept in. Well, at least it's out early.

I miss all my online friends. It's been forever since I've talked to ANYONE! Seriously, you people need to send me some mail. I would send you m,ail, but I don't generally have the time 1st period, which is the only timee I can get on. *hugs* Keep in touch, or I'll hunt you guys down. =D Remember, I know where most of you live XD (Nevermind I have no way to get there, but I know 8-P)

Anyways, I'm out, take care everyone. Yay half-day ^_^ *hugs to all, kisses for Ashlee*

Bwahahahaha. Hahahaha. =D It's been a good week, with the exception of ashlee getting grounded and having her car taken away ;_; But it's ok, cause I'm going over her house today anyways ^_^ *hugs and kisses for Ashlee* And it's our one week anniversary ^_^ Ah, love. *happy sigh*

Recap, for those who don't know what I've been up to, which is most people besides Ashlee. XD Thursday, Anime club, saw the first 2 Eps of Excel Saga. XDDDDD Too funny, OMG... I need to see the rest of that series. XP Afterwards, DDR, was fun as usual. We left a bit early, cause Ashlee was hungry, so we went to Wendy's. Matt and his friends showed up too, so it was cool. Then we abandoned Nick with them, went back to my house. WEas fun, though Ashlee ended up being 2 hours late home -_- But still.

Friday, uneventful. Saturday was awesome though. Ashlee showed up at 9 at my house. She hadn't gone home the night before, her mom had called me earlier. But, still, we had fun hanging with each other, talking, and stuff. Eventually, headed out to the tower, where after playing Warlord (fun game ^_^) Ashlee got nabbed by her parents. But, sok, she only got her car taken away for 2 weeks, and she's already grounded for that long from Thursday. And she's allowed people over. ^_^ Sat game went well, though bogged down by the end by Lisa . Grrr. I so dislike Lisa right now. So, I ended up writing notes back and forth with Lynn on my Calculator. =D It was fun

Sunday, definately spent too much time on my dad's cell phone with Ashlee =D But, oh well 8-P Almost went over, and prolly would have crashed there if I had, but I couldn't, and we were both sad ;_; *sighs* 3 days without seeing her is entirely too long... Yesterday, Chrius's Dragonstar game, was boring. But still, I like hanging out, so *shrugs* And today, going to Ashlee's, yay! ^_^ Just wish I could go online at home, no DSL even anymore. *sighS* Oh well. Hope everyone is doing good, much apologies to John, I actually tried to call you Sunday. But, don't take it too harshlty man. Hope everyone online is doing well, and that I'll get to talk to ppl soon. Anyways, laters all, take care! *hugs for all, and Kiss to Ashlee* ^_^

I asked Ashlee out! And she said yes! *dies of happyness* ^_^ Last night was absolutely wonderful. Ashlee stopped by cause I called her, so we went out for food. Went to KFC, had some reeally good chicken, then went out stargazing. (would have been better if it hadn't been all cloudy though.) Sat on the hood of her car, talking and looking at the sky. It was just great. *sighs*

Dropping my English claas, hopefully it'll be gone by the end of the week. Then I'll have a study hall =) Study = good. School is going good too so far this quarter (all 2 days of it XD). Monday was awesome, though I didn't get to talk to Ashlee. Heh, so my good streak continues.

*sighs* I really think meeting Ashlee is the best thing to happen to me ever. We make each other absolutely happy, we have a ton in common. She's just great. ^_^ Just talking to her makes my day so much better, and I love being around her. *dies of happyness again*

Anyways, I've got to get to work. I'm slacking again. *hugs to everyone, kiss to Ashlee* Take care all, go, be happy! ^_^

I'm happy. really, for the first time in a very long time, I'm truely just happy ^_^. It's a good time. Spent last night talking to Ashlee, made me actually glad my game had been canceled. She came over and we just listened to music, talked, and had fun. =) Heh, glad she got home OK after, cause she stayed late, and hadn't slept the night before, so was close to just crashing. Heh, hope she's enjoying her Easter Chocolate and Ham =D

Today was fun, did the family thing for Easter. Heped my little sister out with her easter hunting, and hung out with my cousin Jenna. And I got chocolate creme pie. I love that stuff =D. Only downside is that my little cousins are annoying in the extreme. But, I deal 8-P

Gave Ashlee my Sam's Club App. So, hopefully, I'll get a job there, and It'd be awesome. Only thing that would make now better would be having DSl on my comp, and being able to talk to ppl more. And, getting phone line back. School is going good enough, and my Dad hasn't been on my ass lately. So, I'm happy. *contented sigh* And thats the theme of today's entry. ^_^ Everyone needs to go out and be hapy now. Go! Be hapy! ^_^ *hugs* Take care all.

The goodness streak continues ^_^ Didn't have to stay after yesterday, cause I amazing speed at test taking 8-P And Ashlee unexpected dropped by, which made my day. Such suprizes are always welcome ^_^ stuck around my house a while before going out. Picked up an App for Sam's club and grabbed pizza. It was a good time =)

Heh, I've been ewntirely too philosopic lately. Not that I really mind, but still. =D It tends to surface with the romantic in me. Not that I've been romantic lately, just in thoughts. I'm still getting used to the idea of me and Ashlee. So, I'm just letting things go, and enjoying being around her. *sighs* I'm happy right now as I've rarely been in a long time. ^_^ And Ashlee is happy, which makes me happy.

Anyways, bell rang, I'm off! *hugs* Laters all, take care!

Bwahahaha. It's been a good week ^_^ So far. I'm wary. The world isn't known for giving me good weeks lately. Besides, its only a few days in. But, been staying after school lately, getting caught up before friday. I don't think it'll be enough to save me, but it'll help on the overall semester grade. 8-P I'm gonna drop my English class. I hate it, and I'm miserably failing, so *shrugs* I need the study hall, it'd make life a whole lot easier for me.

Got to Hang with Ashlee Monday, we went out to Haywards for Ice Cream, and walked around the mall for a while after, then headed to my house. Was fun =) But apparently, she got home 5 minutes late, and is grounded for it ;_; She'll be able to go to Anime Club Thursday, but no DDRing afterward, and prolly no movies friday this means too. Dunno what we're gonna see yet, need to get in touch with Gendo...

More staying after today -_- I hope the weather is better, I hate having to take the late bus home, I'd rather walk at 3 than wait till 4 for the bus. But, we'll see. I need something to do today though, cause I'm bored out of my mind lately at my house. Nothing to do. *sighs* Anyways, I'm off, take care everyone *hugs* =)

It's been a good past few days. Friday, saw Resident Evil, which was awesome. Movies are always fun, and yay zombie flicks! XD Saturday, was out until 6 in the morning, cause after my game we all went out to Denny's, and hung out (Chris was hitting on the waiter the entire time, it was so funny.) So, no real sleep, but it was still cool. And then Ashlee came over to pick up her license, cause she forgot it in my pouch (my pencil space, as it's been dubbed XD). And we talked for like 4 hours, till she had to leave, cause she was already late. So, lots of goodness this weekend, to counteract the HORRIBLE amounts of badness up until friday last week. Course, this week is looking both good and bad. Grades close Friday. Thats a very bad thing -_-

Anyways, thats my update for now, more good news to be on the way soon, I hope ^_^ Laters! *hugs* Take care all.

Hey all. Micarculously, I still have a phone, but I don't know how long that will last. Yesterday was good, after I got over the blinding migraine I had all morning. I didn't roll out of bed until after 2. Just had time to get ready so Lynn could pick me up. Helped her clean house and such so it would be presentable. =) The game was fun too. Finished JTHM XD It was cool. I'll prolly go through it a few more times before I return it to Ashlee.

I'm gonna see if I can do all my running around today, so I have Wednesday free. I need to get my SS card, so I can apply to Sam's. (Ashlee's bringing me an app Thursday.) I need to see if I can use John's old Graphic Calculator, cause mine was gone like 2 months ago now, and I need one badly... Also need to get a library card at the Public Library, so I can take home research. *sighs* So busy. Plus, I need to start my catapult. It's due Friday XP Ah, the life of a high school teen. 8-P

My parents are making noises again about throwing me out @_@ Though, yesterday, I did give reason, but, then, I had reason to after Sunday night. But, I'm gonna see my guidance councilor about what Lynn told me. Getting a cheap place would be nice. Couse, I can't drive yet, but still. Maybe I'll get my Mom to start teaching me Wednesday if I have time. Once I learn, no need for a wait, I'm 18, so I'll be set. Then I just need a car XD *sighs* Fuck.

Anyways, I need to get to work. Laters all, and take care everyone! *hugs* And thank you Chibi-Sara for the cheering E-Mail =D

I swear, I need out of this house. My Dad just mangles Ashlee's JTHM that she let me borrow. I was reading it, and he came in and told me to go to bed. I told him I would when I was done. We started argueing, him continueing to order me to go to bed, me telling him I was 18, that I'm a little old for bedtimes, and that it's my responsibility to decide when I need to sleep. Well, then he came over and ripped the book out of my hands. I think he mangled it pretty good, and I feel so bad, cause it wasn't mine; It was Ashlee's. He had no right to take it, and no right to damage it in the process. I'm so pissed right now, I'm shaking.Damn it, it wasn't mine, and he fucking damaged it. He had no fucking right. Why can't he leave me the hell alone? God, how I hate him. He's been such a Nazi lately. Why can't he just leave to to live my own damn life!?

God, what a horrible fucking end to a otherwise good day. I got to talk to Ada for a long time. It's always so nice to talk to her. And I saw Sashi, and she promised to E-mail me cause we couldn't talk. It was such a nice day. And now I'm just so burnt out. All I have left right now is my rage.

I need out. Maybe I'll duck out my window and take a walk. I need to do something to get this out of my system. Something. I don't know.... Anyways, I'm out. Damn it.

One thing I hate, is how hindsight is 20-20. It's one of the most annoying things in the world. Anyways, I'm not getting into the reason why this is bothering me at this particular time, because I'm very much trying not to be depressed, and doing a good job. Tonight was a fun night, and our group in Chris's game made some real progress. I finally can get into my dragonmount account again. Got a mail from Ashlee, which made me feel better too. ^_^ (And I know how to spell her name now, cause I was mispelling it with the y XP) Still being somewhat reflective over my beliefs. I do want to live up to them better, and I think I can if I really put an effort to it. I have a natural aversion to work though, so well see how long this lasts. As for the mooching thing, I'm just putting it aside, as it's a moot point. Like Ashlee said, I didn't ask, she offered, and if we all go out to eat, they're not just gonna let me sit there while they eat. Only solution is to either not go out (which I refuse. I need to get out of the house, I loath it now almost more than ever), or to get a job so I won't need to. As I intend on getting a job, that will sove that, and until, I'll just try not to be so hard on myself on the issue

On the whole Nice guy finishes last thing, I still believe I fall somewhat pray to that. But, people have pointed out things, showing that perhas I don't fall as close to last as I think. Thanks to those who give me reminders like those when I need them.

Overall, I still believe the world mocks me. Even with today being a good day, I still say that, even more so. The world does mock me. But, I think I'll get the last laugh on it. (That sounds so... ominous. Like I'm scheming one of those school shootngs or something >_>) At least I can say that I live a good life, strove for ideals I believed in, even if failing miserably, and have people who care for me. Thats what counts, right?

Heh, I'm most definately making a private blog. Entirely too many people have this addy. I'll prolly make this one into basically a running account of the goings on of my life, and the private one one which I'll post that which I don't feel like sharing with everyone, or that I feel I can't post here due to not wanting certain people to be offended or things I they can't find out. That'd be a lot of effort though, keeping up 2 blogs. Maybe I'll just move this one, and give out the addy to only certain people, whom I feel I can truely share everything with. (Which is really very few people. Maybe like 3 ppl I know IRL, plus the In-different crowd and Riegien.)

Anyways, I'm feeling much better now. But I'm tired, cause it's like past 5 now, and I need sleep. Goodnight all, sweet dreams, and take care. *hugs* ^_^

My Dragonmount account seems to not be working right now, so, if you happen to send anything right now, it might be best to send it to my new Juno account, Kyososan@juno.something. (com, net, I forget which). Thats all.

Tonights subject: Why the world mocks me. This is gonna get bitter folks, and gonna be long prolly. Basically, I'm sick of my life. I do nothing, even when I should be doing something. I try to live up to the code of chivarly, because I do believe in it, which those who know me in RL will be surprized. (It's not something I ever bring up.) But, I fail so miserably, I wonder why I try at times. (note that in all refernces to the code contained here, I go by this list basically - http://www.chronique.com/Library/Chivalry/code.htm )

Prowess - seeking to do your uptmost in all things. I fail miserably at that one. I was sleeping from 4-9 2 days this week, when there were countless things I could have been doing for school. Justice, I do good with generally. Loyalty. I'm good with that as far as people go generally. But I fail in beliefs, because I don't feel that I even come close to living up to my own standards. Defense, good with. Courage, I just can't seem to live up to. I'm an emotional coward, and too often I back down on things when I feel that I might get emotionally hurt. (tonight is really an example.) Faith, I have in abundance, though perhaps right now I'm suffering a lack of that... Humility is easy enough when you have nothing to brag of. Largesse, I'm good for. I don't generally have much, but what I do have, I'm free with if people need. But once again, it's easy when you don't have much to give... Personally, I feel I mooch too much off people, even if they don't consider it mooching. Nobility. I consider myself noble, and a gentleman, but I still feel that I could do better in striving for these ideals. Franchise, well, that what this part of the rant is about, right? (oh, and all this is only part. Remember, you asked, Ashley.)

The world mocks me that I try to follow the code, and fail. I know I'm a good person, as Lost is fond of reminding me at times (and at times, the reminder is needed). But, thats not good enough for me. I can't really explain any furtther on that...

I think I tend to fall to the Nice Guys finish last thing. Which is impressively depressing. I try to live to high standards, but I see people like my brother, who don't even bother to live a good life, being rewarded by it. I don't have much of a life, I don't have any real achivements to be proud of.

Relationship wise, it's the same thing, Nice guys finish last. A history of my crushes for the past year or 2. Sarah, who was an absolute sweet heart, A) was a PK, so couldn't date B) Prolly wouldn't have gone out with me if I had told her C) if I had mustered the courage, which I never did, in like 2 years of the crush I had on her -_- Ada, whom was taken, though flattered when she found out. I don't feel too badly about that actually, though I wish I had the chance to explore my feelings for her at the time. *shrugs* Then, Crystal, for most of this school year. Crystal could get a whole rant of her own, so I'm not going in depth. Most of you people know about that, and if you don't, and are curious and feel like hearing about it, ask, I suppose. And now, Ashley. (Thats why I was avoid getting in-depth during our ride, because the whole relationship thing is a big part of why I feel the world mocks me (the whole code thing being the other part). I didn't want to let that slip, and have an awkward ride to whereever. I hope you understand, and I feel horrible for letting you know like this. But, I'm an emotional coward. You asked though, and I felt it best to come clean on all accounts, cause I told you I would.) Here, I just get the feeling that I've traveled the road before, and know where it ends, or, more importantly, where it doesn't turn off at. I seem to be cursed to be people best friend, but never more than that, and it hurts. I mean, even if I don't return the feelings, I'd be nice to think that someone thought of me like that. It's an admittedly egotistical feeling, but I'm not in control what i feel. I control maybe the showing of it at times (school has given me quite the oportunity to work on my social mask, though I've let that slip a lot in the last year.)

Hey all. I hate my current research project. It has to be related to American liturature in some way, and there has to be proffesional backing to it. (IE professional literary Analysis,, or somesuch.) But, from there, there is no real topic that interets me. I was going to do Lovecraft and the Cthulhu mythos, but there isn't enough scholarly research on his works -_- I'm mostly a Fantasy and Sci-Fi reader, with some detective mixed in. Occasionally, I'll read something else, but only if recommended. And most of American lit isn't Sci-Fi or Fantasy. (modern works aside, which I can't do because the lack of professional research -_-) I might end up doing my project on Mark Twain, cause I do like his writings, and I know there is a lot to go on there. But, he's so over done. I know a least one other person is doing him, prolly 2. Damn it. Why can't I do european or something. I could do Jules Verne, or Frankenstein. Maybe HG WElls. But no, none of them are American. Damn.

On other notes, I'm still somewhat depressed. But, thanks to some great advice from Lost (*hugs* Thanks again hon), I've got somewhat less on my mind. Q-Chan sent me an E-mail too, which is cool. ^_^ I so rarely get personaly mail anymore. It's all mostly stuff from the Anime Club list. *sighs* Well, I think I'm off to the Library, got a list of books that might lead me to a topic. Heres to luck to me. Laters all, take care. *hugs*

Hey all. I'm in a mood. Not a good mood, or a bad mood, or an in-between mood. I'm still pissed at Mike, but still. I'm in a funk...

So many thoughts crossing my head last night. I miss everyone. I almost miss the days last year, where my life was basically online. It was much simpler then. I'd talk to Stacey, or Ada, or Sashi till like 2 in the morning, not having to worry about anything else...

I'm sick of my life. I really am. No, I'm not contemplating suicide. No worries of that. I'm burnt out, I'm totally bored. I've literally slept the last 2 days away, crashing at 4 till like 9. Missed getting my SS card. Didn't do my Homework, though I knew what it was and that it needed to be done. I've got nothing really to do at home, so I just don't do anything. And I'm so sick of it.

This entry is depressing. I hope John swings by to meet Ashley on Thursday, even if I don't ask her or anything. I need change. I hate change, but I need it. Or at least something to occupy my time. I'm just drifting...

Anyways, I'm out I guess. Take care everyone, and keep in touch. *hugs* Drop me an E-mail or something people. Write me, I promise I'll write back, and it's always nice to get mail. I'll even send out in a decent time =D Well, Laters! *hugs again*

I regret even giving Mike this addy. Just remember my threats Mike, cause I'll make good on them. I'm not kidding on this, I'm dead serious...

Anyways, dunno if I'll say anything to Ashley or not. I'm an emotional coward, when it comes down to it. We'll see, I suppose. got time to think on it at least...

Gonna be heading to get my SS card today. Couldn't yesterday, too late. Besides that, just plan to take it easy today...

I've been giving thought to making a private blog. I remember when I started my blog, it was for my online friends. Then, it became more of a me thing, something for me to think out my thoughts and such. I'm a very private person when it comes down to it. So many ppl have my blog addy now, it's wierd. I mean, those whom I give it to I generally don't mind having it, and I like how ppl can read it, so understand whats up with me, but I'd like to return to how it was, a thing for me and my online friends. And John, cause we don't talk much, and it helps to keep us in touch. But I dunno. We'll see I guess...

Anyways, thats it. Laters all, and take care. *hugs*

Quick entry, cause it's close to bell =D Thursday was cool, Anime club and then hanging with Nick, Ashley, and Mike. (and Gendo's kid bro.) lol After leaving from playing DDR, we went to Wenbdy's to eat, and then hung out in the parking lot till like almost 11 after they kicked us out around 10 XD It was fun.

Friday, Lynn's party. I got her Dragon Half for her birthday. Very cool ^_^ I want it for myself now. Was amused by watching Rob's girlfriend Leila debate with Drew, showing us all how close minded she is, which is why it was amusing, cause the topic XP Stayed the night there, and the rest of the next day. Went back down to Nashua with Chris and Lynn for his game.

Was in a quiet mood to start, though by the end of the night, I was almost off the wall. But to start, and when people asked if I felt alright, I merely said I was in a qiet mood. Well, Lisa kept saying good whenever I said that. I know in a game, when I get into it, I can talk a lot, but it keeps my thoughts flowing. But still, that really saw rude, made me want to smack her or something. Pretty soon, she's gonna push it, and I'm gonna unload the full clip on her....

Sunday was uneventful.

Today, plans are to stay after for make-up, and then hit the social security office. After that, I dunno. Need my social security card though, so I can apply to Sam's Club. Hope Ashley calls. I need to get her number. =) Anyways, I'm off, laters all! *hugs* Take care.

Yesterday was awesome ^_^ Everyone needs to go see John Q, absolutely great movie! We missed the 4:10 movie, so we went to the mall and wandered about. Bought a new book and got Lynn her present. (can't say what it is, given that she has this addy =D) Was fun until we went to the food court, where some guy Ashley used to work with (he got fired for drinking on the job >_>) called her over, talked for a bit, and asked for her phone #. Afterwords, she said she froze, cause no one has every asked her for her #... XD She gave it to him, and the rest of the day was so worried he was gonna call her later, and she'd have to talk to him... I feel so bad about it.

Then we went to call Gendo, but his phone was busy. So no luck there. Finally went to go to the movie. Again, absolutely excellent movie. Go see it.

After, niether of us wanted to really go home, so we went to Hudson (less lights, nashua is horrible) and went to watch the stars for a while ^_^ It was awesome. *contented sigh* It's been forever since I've looked at the stars. You can't really see them in Nashua. But, we had fun, sat pf the truck of her car, and talked.

I've decided that I'm gonna ask Ashley out. Now, I just need to work up the courage. I hope I do it soon. But, I'm emotionally a coward, so not likely. But, I think I'll be able to chance it easier this time. I dunno why. I just have a good feeling. Yesterday was just a great day, al days after this must go as good. They won't, but they should. ^_^

Anyways, bell's ringing, so I'm out. Laters all, take care! *hugs*

Logging in from first period once again. I'm getting behind in this class. but it's easy to make up, just need to spend a monday afterschool sometime, and I'll be all set. Going to the movies today with Ashley and Gendo. Mike has to work. Haven't heard from Gendo yet. Ashley called me last night, cause she saw stck at home and bored =D She looked up my number in the phone book XP We talked for like 2 hours. It was fun. Dunno what movie to see though. I want to see Monster Ball, from what Sina said about it, but I dunno if it's playing anywhere around here. John Q looks good though. We'll see I guess.

Monday was a bust, unfortunately. No ride, so all my games this week have been a bust. Oh well, hope for better next week =) Lynn's party is Friday, need to call her about that. Gonna be a busy end of the week for me it seems. Not that that is bad. =D

I haven't talked to my online people in forever. Talked to Sina last saturday, but I haven't seen hide nor hair of anyone else really. ;_; I'm definately gonna find a way to get my comp back online. And soon. Heh, once my dad sets up the DSL, I can just pirate it if he doesn't hook me up XD After all, he'll be hooking up my sister, and her room is right next to mine...

For those interested, no news on the Crystal front, and yes, I still like her, even with a potential new crush...

Anyways, I need to get to work, so I'll catch you all laters! *hugs* Take care everyone, and don't be afraid to drop a mail, I miss everyone! Bye!

Hey all. =) Being kept very busy >_< But, so well. I'm hoping to get a job at sam's Club with Gendo and Ashley. I just mey Ashley last thursday, Gendo brought her to the Anime Club. I spent 4 hours in the car with her that day XD After Anme club, we went to a Anime Showing at Gendo's collage, but it was changed, so it was an hour dribe for nothing. So we came back to Nashua and played DDR till Funworld closed. It was a fun night.

Ashley let me borrow serial Experiment: Lain. Cool series, but disturbing. I need to watch it again. I've got till Thursday, so I should have time. Borring Vampire hunter D from Mike, so gonna check that out too.

I think I have a crush on Ashley. Might just be an instant infatuation, I just met her after all. But she's very cool, and we have a lot in common. *shrugs* we'll see, I guess =D

Saturday was a bust, missed Matt Goodman's party, and Chris's game was a bust. Need to find a way to get to his house today, cause Lynn has her game today, and I don't have a way to manchester >_< Well, I'll find a way, I trust in providence. =D And if I don't, well, more time to catch up on school work. I started on my big map, I'll finsh it soon, and then I'm off. Laters all, take care! ^_^ *hugs*

Finally added Mei-chan and Chibi-Sara to my links. Chibi-Sara is from Anime Club, ad Mei-chan is another online person, the one who read my blog and AIMed me ^_^ Go check them out =)

I'm not in too much of a talkative mood. But I'm doing well all. Just a public servce announcement. Saw Lain, and it bothers me... I need to wach it through again. Anyways, *hugs* Take care all, laters!

First thing, Hapt Birthday Stacey!!! ^_^

My party was somewhat a bust, as 3 ppl showed. Not happy bout that Saw Hart's War yesterdat. Cool movie. Vacation going fast. Anyways, catch everyone laters! Bye! *hugs*

Just a quick enry while I talk to Ada and Stacey. ^_^ I'm feeling better, starting to get back in gear. Gonna be a very busy vacation week for me. Got 3 parties to go to, got mine, have to play catch up for school, need to get my SS card, need to job hunt, and I'll be going out with friends too, cause it is vacation, after all =D

Found out Lost and Gunshin broke up ith Ada. Thats sad ;_; Love sucks right now, I think *sighs* Glad your doing alright though hon...

I need to learn to drive. I'm s sick of needing to mooch rides and having to walk my ass around the city. I want a car, and freedom.... *sighs* My mind has better sluming lately. Ive been swearing a lot, and making a lot of dirty/rude comments lately. I dunno why... Tomorrow should be fun. Hope everyone can make it. But it'll be a small affair, around 10-13 ppl max. Sok though, I'm better with small groups f people anyways...

Anyways, I've got to get going. Laters everyone, have fun, hapy vacation to those who have it, Hapy B-day to those who have a birthday around now ^_^ *hugs* Take care!

I need to blog more often. Soon, hopefully. I'm about to take drastic measures... @_@ Things are gong ok. Starting to nail down ppl for my party. (hope Crystal can go..) I've been feeing rather irritable lately though. I dunno why. I've been irritating other ppl too. I guess I'm just in a funk ver things. Been having trouble sleeping. Like, worse than normal... I didn't fall aslee till like 3 last night, and I was in bed aroud 11:30...

Too much to do in school right now. So much going on, and I'm falling so far behind. It's so frustrating, but can't do anything about it. Or, I can, but I'm not; I can't get myself motivated. I've been doing everything last minute lately, if at all. I should have stayed after schol today, but didn't bother. And I know I should have. It just feels like I'm sinking into a black hole. It's not burnout either. I dunno what it is. It's at the point where I'm not even realy doing al the things I want t do even. Like today, theres a BESM game I want to join. But I'm here, at home. I dunno....

I miss people. I haven't talked to hardly anyone lately, beside trying to nail ppl down for the party. I need something new, something to liven things up. things are too dead. Anyways, I'm out, hope I'm not depressing anyone out there. I'll prolly snap out of it in a few days or something. Laters all! *hugs* Take care.

Whoo. Valentines Day. I gave Crystal this cute Raccoon, a stealer of haerts ^_^ She liked it a lot. =) So, I'm in a really good mood. Not even later today will be able to spoil this inner core of happiness right now.

I can't get to ada's blog from the school comps anymore. Not Lost's either, though thats a moot point cause she'll be taking it down later today ;_; Heh, stacey's new layout does rock, once again reminds me that I should at least finish an attempt at a new layout... -_-

Heh, got a haircut yesterday. I was overdue. I hate how I look now though, my hair needs to grow out, like now. You'll all get to see it soon, cause the Anime club will be taking digital pics of people for the new web page, so you'll all get to see.

Well, got to shut down, bell's about to ring. Laters all, take care, and Happy Valentines Day to everyone, ones without a special someone included. ^_^ *hugs*

Heh, a random person AIMed me today, Chandraspandas. Peple I don't know read my blog ^_^ I'll be adding her to my links, cause her LJ is cool.

Lost is taking down her blog ;_; Means I'll just have to keep more in touch, I guess ^_^ Hope you reconsider though hon, but I doubt you will.

Monday night, Lynn tried her hand at GMing. It was awesome, and there's a nice simple joy to playing a one dimentional character who's main line is 'I charge.' XD I hope we keep playing, cause i enjoyed the character.

Well, I think I'm off. No one except Lost-chan is on, so I'll talk to her for a while, then to bed. Night all, take care! *hugs*

I hate having to blog from class. I have like no chance to get on at home any more >_< I haven't checked my mail in over a week. *sighs* Well, 2 weeks to my 18th. I echo Stacey, I don't want to grow up. Course, everyone has to eventually....

Sashi-chan, I'm sorry, and I completely sympathize. Family Sucks. Thankfully, mine have been staying out of my way lately. It hasn't been a good week really. Got sick Tuesday/Wednesday. Found out that next week a coup is planned. I'm pissed about that. I hate politics, and I hate how these people are going about it. *sighs* Well, a week before I need to deal with that. I've already warned other members, let them know what was going on. (I'm not the type to organize resistance, I'm just leetting ppl know so they can chose what they want.) But, this weekend will hopefully make up for it. Plus, 2 weeks till vacation. (My Birthday is the last day of school we have =D)

Wondering whether I'll be thrown out when it hits. It wouldn't surprize me terribly. If I don't, I might be when I put my foot down about them interfering in my life. We'll see.

*sighs* I miss everyone ;_; I need my computer to be connected to the internet again.*hugs to everyone* I'll see what I can do about getting a good period of time Sunday to try to see everyone. Well, till then I guess. Laters all, take care. *hugs*

Been a while, haven't had a chance to blog. Not much going on right now though. *shrugs* The Anime club might be starting up a BESM campaign (BESM is a Anime RPG). That'd be really cool, dunno what I'll play though.

Lynn and Chris said that they'll have a party for my 18th during Febururary vacation. ^_^ Thats really awesome of them to do. Course, my brain was in shut down when Lynn brought it up, so when they started asking questions, I was just like 'yeah, ok.' Wasn't a good night for me, thinking wise. XP I dunno who I'll invite. It's hard, because my friends are so scattered. I'll prolly invite most of my gamer friends, but as for other, I dunno.

anyways, bell, bye everyone!

Heh. Crystal has once again completely disarmed me. Not that I really mind being disarmed. But anyways. Crystal grabbed me before advisory, and asked me if I was going to the prom. I answered truthfully: I dunno, but prolly, cause people like you want me too. (She harassed me last year after the junior prom for not going, even though I didn't have a date. Well, not really harassed, but still 8-P) Well, she said that her (current) boyfriend wasn't sure if he wanted to go (hes in college, already done the prom thing), and if he didn't, that she'd like to go with me, and if he did, she still wants at least to dance a dance with me.(I promised to try not to injure her feet XP I'm such a dork... *sighs*) So, the rest of he day I've been rather in high spirits ^_^ Course, tomorrow, it'll have faded, and I'll be very much confused again, and doubting. Really, I think Crystal delibrately tries to keep me off balance some days. I really just don't know anymore.. *contened sigh* But, that doesn't matter right now, so we'll think about it tomorrow. (We'll? I'm talking in third person group form suddenly...)

Thats the higlight of my day really, everything else is kinda a blur after that ^_^;; So, I'm off, laters all, and be well! *hugs*

Ada got my card! ^^ Thats 2 ppl so far. Heh, wonder when Sashi-chan will get around to sending her stuff. Heh, it's slightly comforting to know I'm not the latest person. Though if she's any more late, it might as well be a birthday present for me XP

This class is so monotomous. And I can't install AIM >_< Or even use AIM Express. I'm gonne see what I can do as far as zipping my copy at home and just transfering the program here. Or try installing it on my account, but I doubt I have the space...

Anyways, back to exercise 6, last one. Laters all, be well. ^^ *hugs*

Hey all. Been busy lately, haven't had a chance to get on. Sowell though. School is keeping me busy, as I'm gonna try to really excell this semester. We'll see.

Heh, my D&D game saturday was cool ^^ Apparently we're all thunders now from L5R. XD I got Phoenix Clan. On another note, I've deided that I don't like Lisa, and less so when she touches me. I have a thing about people hanging off me or putting their arms around me or anything, and very few people I feel comfortable with eough to let them. (I think there is a whole 3 people, Crystal, Chibi-Sarah, and Lynn. Well, even not Lynn sometimes, but most of the time I'm fine)

I Think I know why I've taken to Chibi-Sarah so much. I think she kinda reminds me of my sister... I dunno. *shrugs* But she's fun I think, and thats what matters.

Heh, Lost got her cards ^^ And liked them. I hope everyone else's have arrived or will soom. A month late is bettet than not at all.

lol Sashi got buzzed. I can't even imagine what she'd be like that, given how she is when not under the influece. Heh, you'll need to describe it to me hon =D

I haven't been talking to people much lately. Caught Lost today and Rieg. I haven't talked to Stacey lately, which is wierd, cause she's the one person I'm in usually contact with generally 8-P And no Ada, which isn't a surprize. I'm gonna see if I can get away with installing AIM on my first per. computer, and try to catch her then =D That'd be muy cool ^^

Anyway, I've got to go do chores and finish home work (don';t need to incur my Dad's wrath anymore than neeccesary, given he grounded me this morning, and I plan to ignore that later this week) Be well everyone, hope you get over that stomach flu soon Lost. Laters all! *hugs*

Hey all again. 2 in one day even, though the other doesn't really count =D Very busy day, and I finally have all my classes worked out. I have Advanced computer App, English, Algebra 2, Physics, Sociology, Citizenship and Gov., and Great Books. *sighs* It's a rather full load, dispite what you may think. Last quarter I was easier off.... *sigh*

Megan thinks the Merian likes me. I hope that thats not true, though I think she might be right. Merian is nice, but I find her irritating, because she's constantly asking me questions in physics. Not her fault, and i know she doesn't mean to irritate me about it, so I'm nice, and try to help her understand best I can (She's ESL, so it can be hard sometime), but I don;t like her like that, and only marginally as a friend even, cause she's very needy, and I'm not up to that at all right now...

I'm trying to make my feelings go squishy as far as Crystal again. I have no real hope, because we're just friends, and she doesn't date friends. Course, my feelings aren't listening. I want done. I think I need a new crush. *sighs* Not that thats what I want either. Damn. Damn it all.

Heh, Anime club was cool. Chibi-Sarah was there again ^^ She's fun. Saw Hyper Police and the first episodes of Ranma. Very funny =D Then I killed myself playing DDR when we went out. They got a new machine in, so I went all out. I'm getting better though.

Spent tons of time after the club with Mike and Gendo (Heh, his real name is Nick I found, but we still call him Gendo). We went down to suncoast, browsed DVDs, and had a blast just talking and shit. I wish Thursday came more often. Saturdays too.. *sighs*

Anyways, I need to get to bed. Actually, I need to do laundry, homework, th4n bed, but I might skip some or all of those for the sleep. I need it after all the activity today... So, laters all, and take care! *hugs*

Hey all, blogging in from first period. Got a comp class, so I'll prolly be blogging in here regularly since I can't always at home.

Anyways, bell rang, I'm off. Laters! *hugs*

Hey all =) I'm tired. And kinda hungry, despite having ate 5 or so slices of pizza. I hate not being able to get online with my comp. I can't get on when I want, for as long as I want, as long as I can;t use my comp. Plus, I can't DL anything. Grrrr...

Today was apparently Ada's first day back in collage! Go Ada ^_^ Heh, I haven't talked to her in forever... I miss the times back when we used to talk all the time. *sighs* I'm in a very nostalgic mood. Anyways, I'm out. Laters all! *hugs*

Look at that, I archive. Amazing, no? Hadn't since Novemember, so it was needed. School begis anew tomorrow. I have 3 studies i need to fill, but until I do, I've got a relatively relaxed schedule 8-P

I'm tired, so I'll be crashing soon. I hope DSL is hooked up soon. I hate having to use this comp, it's by my bro's room in th basement, so I don't like to be around unless he's not. So, laters all! Take care! *hugs*

Real Name: Iziah
AKA: Kyoso, Wolfie, Jeans
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Birthday: 2/22/84
Race: Caucasian
Religion: Agnostic, slightly Christian
Grade: 12th; Senior Year
Location: New Hampshire
E-mail: WolfRunner@dragonmount.com
AIM: Kyosokun

Current:

Song: Digi Charat - Welcome 2000
Movie: Spider-Man
Show: -----
Food: Spaghetti
Future: A second Senior year -_-
Hottie: Ashlee ;_;
Book: Burning Stone by Kate Elliott
Project:
Goal: Do good in school
Obsession: Anime Music Videos
Anime: Irresponsible Captain Tylor

The Wolf's Lair

Sites: Coming soon
Desktop: N/A
Winamp: Misato
Fav. Boards: Paradigm
Archives: Lessons from the Past...

Other Blogs:

Daily Reads: *
Friends: ^
Love: #

Ada's blog *^
Sina's Blog ^
Stacey's Blog *^
Sashi's Blog *^
Lost's Blog ^
Ashlee's LiveJournal *^#
John's LiveJournal *^
Chibi-Sara's LiveJournal *^